I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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