After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
