i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
