i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
