So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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