I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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