I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
