it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
