i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
