Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
