I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You left your phone here
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