Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
