My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
