i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
