Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
