i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
