My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
