I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize