just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
