Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
