uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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