My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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