My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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