do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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