the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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