I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize