i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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