So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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