Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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