Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
