i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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