Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
