Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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