The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
