Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize