i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
