I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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