i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
