If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
