the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I showed him my bush... on skype.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
