Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
