ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
