I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
