Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
