shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
