guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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