tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
