I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
