shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
