i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
