I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
