i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She announced her abortion via fbk
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
