i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
