I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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