Sry I called you an 8
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Randomize
