Christians are straight up FREAKS
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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