Got a toothbrush?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
