can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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