There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
