Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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