my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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