since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
