I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
