just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize