Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
