I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he thought i was a dude.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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