he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
