i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
